


The Former Panic! Member Club

by kcracken



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Band Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:30:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3976462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcracken/pseuds/kcracken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer just put out a letter to the fans saying that he was leaving the band, which prompted Jon to tweet to him "Welcome to the club!" There actually <i>is</i> a  club to which he goes to join.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Former Panic! Member Club

**Author's Note:**

> This is all Jon Walker's fault to start. I began writing this after the tweet. It evolved into something much more after seeing Vines from Brendon's birthday party. There have been other pictures lately to discredit thoughts in this, but I don't care. This is all from my brain, not Spencer's. I apologize for nothing. This was mainly to get thoughts out of my head.

> [@TheSpencerSmith](https://twitter.com/TheSpencerSmith) welcome to the club!
> 
> — Jon Walker (@iamjonwalker) [April 7, 2015](https://twitter.com/iamjonwalker/status/585460751290228736)  
> 

Spencer sat in his car in front of the house at the address he’d been given. He wasn’t sure why he was here, other than he’d been invited. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his keys from the ignition and got out of his car. He made his way up the seemingly long sidewalk and knocked on the door.

Just as he was about to turn around and leave, the door opened and a friendly, familiar face appeared. “Spence!” Jon said excitedly. “Dude, come in! It’s been way too long.” The older man pushed the screen door open to allow Spencer to enter the house.

After closing the door, Jon pulled him into a hug. “Wow, you’re looking good, man. Just so you know, you made the right choice.” 

Spencer froze for a brief moment, but Jon looked, felt and smelled like Jon. It was like coming home. He wrapped his arms around him tightly, hugging him back. He finally pulled back and Jon looked at him with that _smile_. “Um, so, there are others here?”

Jon nodded and led him to a room in the back of the house. “Welcome to the Former Panic Member Club,” he announced as they entered.

Spencer stepped into the room and was astonished at who was there. “Shit, seriously?”

“I’m still fucking mad at you, Smith.”

“Well hello to you, too, Brent,” Spencer said sarcastically.

“Shut the fuck up, _Brent_. It wasn’t his fault. You’re the dumb fuck who stopped coming to concerts, dick head.” Ryan stepped up to his former best friend and wrapped himself around him. “I missed you, Spence,” he said, his voice cracking a little with emotion.

Now it didn’t help Spencer at all to hear Ryan talk like that. “Yeah. I, um, missed you, too, Ry.” He found his arms wrapping nearly completely around the skinny man. Fuck, Ryan was even smaller than before he’d left the band. 

Looking past Ryan’s shoulder, Spencer could see Ian glaring at Brent. Beside Ian was Eric which totally floored him. It _truly_ was every former member of Panic! at the Disco, including those who only went on tour with them. Ryan had released him, but hadn’t let go. The older man pulled him over to sit down next to him. 

“So, um, what do you guys do at these meetings?” he asked. He really wondered, because a couple of those in the room didn’t leave amicably. Okay, _Brent_ wasn’t amicable.

“Until you, we normally just sit here and talk about how you and Brendon are such bitches.”

Of course it was Brent who answered. Jon gave him a dirty look. “ _Brent_ ,” he said in warning.

“What? I was just telling the truth. You guys are such babies. Spencer can handle hearing that we thought he was a bitch.”

“It’s still not something you should say,” Eric pointed out. He smiled and nodded at Spencer. Even though he was only there to play keyboard, Spencer had always liked him. “Besides, you’re the only one who bitched about Spencer.”

“You’re one to talk,” Brent snorted. “I mean, why are you even here? You and Crawford only toured with them.”

“I ask myself that very question every time I come,” Ian added. “I think it’s so I can listen to you bitch and moan and then go back to your job at Walmart and remember that I’m still playing.”

Everyone chuckled, except for Brent who was now fuming. Spencer felt that he had to do his job and calm down everyone. “Okay, so you complain about what made you leave the band. Great. I don’t think I really have room to do that.” He got to his feet and started moving towards the door.

“Wait,” Ryan said as he grabbed Spencer’s arm. “That’s not really what we do, though sometimes it kinda devolves into a bitch session.”

Spencer turned towards him, frowning and shaking his head. “I can’t, Ry. It’s not Brendon’s fault that I…”

“No, it’s mine,” the other man interrupted. “I’m the one who put you on the path to destruction. You kept it from everyone, and then Brendon didn’t help at all because he didn’t know.”

“You didn’t…” Spencer began, but stopped. This was just going to lead to an eruption of everyone taking the blame. Well, everyone except Brent, because obviously Brent has never done _anything_ wrong. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry.”

Ryan just shrugged and tugged Spencer back onto the couch. Spencer saw the other man look at Jon and move his eyebrows in a way that he used to do to him. Jon confirmed that he still understood when he came to sit beside him. “Look, we were all at fault, except Ian and Eric. Ian left on his own accord and Eric just wasn’t needed anymore because we were no longer the band we were.”

Spencer nodded in agreement. “Okay. But really, I don’t _want_ to bad mouth Brendon. He’s supposedly still my friend.”

“Supposedly?” Brent scoffed. “That sounds really positive.”

“He’s actually right,” Jon noted. “If something is bothering you, you can let it out here. We certainly are not going to tell anyone.”

Spencer rolled his eyes. “What about _that_ asshole?” he questioned and motioned towards Brent.

“Oh fuck you, too,” Brent replied. “I’m not that much of an asshole, thank you very much.”

“Yet you just admitted to being an asshole,” Ryan remarked with a grin. “Amazing.”

Brent sputtered and the rest of the room chuckled. Spencer bit his lip as he thought. “I know I can trust the rest of you,” he said finally. 

Ryan wrapped his arms around Spencer’s shoulders and hugged him. “C’mon. We won’t judge.”

Spencer inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly. “Okay, so I was trying to get back into the swing of things. I love music. You know that Ry.” 

Ryan nodded against his shoulder and Jon made a noise of agreement.

“You also know what a perfectionist Brendon is,” Spencer continued. That got a snort from Brent and Ian. Eric just groaned. “Nothing I did was right, but that wasn’t really the problem. The problem was that every time I went over to Bren’s house, even if it was just to hang out, he’d have…” He stopped speaking as a wave of _anger_ swept through him. 

Ryan felt Spencer shudder and pulled back from him, taking his hand. “Take your time,” he said softly, giving his hand a squeeze. He had a feeling he knew what his friend was going to say.

Spencer nodded and swallowed. “I know I need to get past that part, but when he’s flaunting it in front of me _every fucking minute_ …”

“Flaunting what?” Ian asked curiously.

This time Spencer shook his head. It was so obvious, wasn’t it? When was there a time that Brendon didn’t have a beer on stage during the Vices and Virtues tour? When has there _ever_ been a time since Brendon turned twenty-one that he didn’t have a fucking alcoholic beverage within arm’s reach? “Flaunting the fact that _he_ could drink whenever he wanted and I can’t.”

Jon’s hands clinched into fists. There had been a time when Brendon had wanted to make everyone else happy, that he thought about everyone else _first_. But now it was quite obvious that he could only think of himself. Jon found himself on his feet and heading out of the room. 

Everyone watched Jon in shock. Even Spencer and Ryan who had seen Jon upset before were surprised. “Shouldn’t one of us go...?” Spencer started and Ryan immediately stood, patting him on the shoulder as he left to follow the other man.

Spencer turned to look at the other three men. “That is totally fucked up,” Ian said with a shake of his curly head. “Aren’t you his best fucking friend? Or was that all a lie?”

Spencer shrugged. He really didn’t know anymore. It all seemed like a ruse, but Brendon had been thankful that he had stayed with him back when Ryan and Jon left. He had just not wanted Brendon to be alone.

“Wish I’d never asked the little asshole to come to rehearsal,” Brent mumbled.

Spencer actually felt a little warmth from the former bassist’s statement. He knew what the other man meant, though if he _hadn’t_ brought Brendon, Panic probably never would have happened. He wouldn’t have been living fairly comfortably in Los Angeles with a gorgeous fiancée and wonderful dogs. “Don’t regret that decision, Brent. None of us would be here if it wasn’t for that happening.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Eric noted.

“Probably, but then I wouldn’t have ever met any of you. Fuck, without Brendon I never would have met Linda. I suppose I owe him everything that’s happened in my life.” Spencer leaned back and rubbed his eyes.

“Bullshit.” Everyone turned to see Jon standing in the doorway stiff backed with Ryan behind him. “You don’t owe him _shit_ , Spencer. None of us owe him a thing. If anything, he owes us. He wouldn’t be where he is without you and Ryan.”

“Hey, mostly me,” Brent argued.

Despite his usual grievances with the other bassist, he had to agree with him on this. “Yes, Brent, you were the original catalyst.”

“Damn straight I was.” He crossed his arms over his chest in triumph.

“That’s not really a good thing,” Ian said. 

Eric looked like he was pondering something. “Wait, did we enable Bren into this dickhead, or is it finally his true colors showing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Before, back when I was on the Circus tour with you, Brendon would bend over backwards to be nice and help someone. It continued some into the Pretty Odd tour, but it seemed to be starting to fade even then.”

Ryan was nodding to what he was saying. “And that’s when the arguments started.”

“And everything fell apart,” Jon added.

“And I didn’t leave him because I thought he was still that young, innocent kid who just wanted to play in a band,” Spencer said with a sigh. They had caused it. Hadn’t they?

“But by then, he was far from innocent,” Ian said. “Dude was practically rude. To everyone. I just brushed it off as being ‘betrayed’.” He made air quotes with his fingers to show he knew Ryan and Jon hadn’t betrayed the vocalist.

“And he didn’t change,” Spencer added quietly. Well fuck. “That’s when he started drinking, like as much as I did. I just figured he didn’t want to deal with it like me, but he never admitted he had a problem.” He ran his hand through his hair roughly tugging at the strands.

Ryan moved to sit beside him, gently rubbing his back. He could see the wheels turning. Spencer was beginning to realize things.

“He was enabling _me_ ,” he said in surprise. “He couldn’t say it himself, but he could make _me_ say it and that was all that mattered. He never stopped drinking, not the first time or the last time. He just kept going and didn’t give a shit about me.”

“And now you get it,” Brent said with a smirk. 

Spencer nodded and looked up at everyone in the room. “Yeah. I do get it. And I’m actually really glad it’s over.”

“Now if we could just get him to let go of the name,” Ryan mumbled beside him.

“Maybe I should suggest he just call it the Brendon Urie Experience from now on and he’ll listen?”

“That,” Jon started, “sounds like a plan. Welcome to our club, Spence. We hope you’ll stay for a while.”

Spencer smiled. “I’m pretty sure I will.”


End file.
